


Don't

by abigaildevon



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigaildevon/pseuds/abigaildevon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You can’t fix me this time, Phil”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a terrible human. A terrible, angst-loving human.
> 
> TW: mentions of terminal illness

The only sound to be heard was the rain beating violently against the car windows as the two men sit in silence. Phil has managed to squeeze himself behind the wheel of his Father’s car that he had borrowed for the weekend, but didn’t bother starting the engine. Neither of them were in the right state of mind to drive. 

“I’m scared, Phil”, Dan whispers, not moving his gaze from the window next to him. “I’m so scared.”

Phil grasps tightly onto the wheel, like a lifeline. Like it was one of the only things keeping him from putting the windows through with his bare fists. His hands shook as they slid down the steering wheel, before balling up on his thighs. He didn’t turn to face his friend, his best friend. He didn’t want to see the tears grasping at his eyelashes, threatening to spill down his cheeks. He didn’t want to see his hands trembling. He didn’t want to see Dan fall apart.

“It’s okay, bear. We’ll get through this”. His voice is trembling. He can’t even try and hide it from himself anymore. “We’ll figure this out”.

Phil lowers his gaze to his shaking hands. I knew it was bad, but I never thought it would end like this. He places his hand over Dan’s, resting both on the other man’s knee, and curls his fingers around his friend’s. 

“We can’t figure this out, Phil”. Dan doesn’t raise his voice beyond a whisper, and it’s hard to hear as the rain collides against the windows.

“We will”. 

“Phil,” Dan breathes in a sigh, “You heard the doctor in there, he said I’ll be lucky if I make it six months. We can’t figure this one out”. Phil can hear the fear as the words breathe out of the other man’s mouth. It feels like he’s been punched in the chest. Like his lungs are on fire, and his bones are crumbling. “Not this time.”

It doesn’t register in Phil’s mind that he’s punched the dashboard until he feels pain flood through his knuckles. Until he hears a sob rip through the man next to him. He tears his other hand away from Dan’s and presses the palm of his hands into his eye sockets. Rugged gasps tear themselves from his lungs, hoping for breathe. Hoping for anything that can fix this. I’d do anything to fix this. Don’t take him away from me. Don’t do this to him. He doesn’t deserve it.  
“You can’t fix me this time, Phil”. 

He still hasn’t moved his hands. All he can see is darkness. All he can feel is darkness. 

“This is a joke. This is a cruel fucking joke”. He slides his fingers through his hair, grasping at the back of his neck, and elbows digging into his knees.

“Phil…”

It’s too much. 

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare, Dan”. He turns, his eyes meeting Dan’s. “Don’t you dare”. 

One of Phil’s hands makes it way to Dan’s cheek, and through his hair. The other one grips onto Dan’s knee. Clinging onto any part of Dan he can find. As if the universe might spare his friend is he can hold on tight enough. It might not take him if he can cling on stronger than death. Take me he thinks. I can’t do this without him. His mind is racing. I can’t do any of this without him. He can feel his lips moving, trying to form words. Trying to make sound. Trying anything to make Dan know that he was going to be okay. To let him know that he can fight this. 

“Please don’t go.”

The words slip out before he can trap them, before he’s even processed them in his mind. Don’t leave me.

“I’m tired, Phil. I’m tired on clinging onto hope that isn’t there. I’m so tired”. 

The whispers make their way to Phil’s ears slower than they leave Dan’s lips. In Phil’s mind, the sob that leaves his throat takes hours. Judging by the one made by Dan in response, it took seconds. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend this isn’t happening”.

Phil feels a hand on his cheek, fingers threading lightly though his hair, mostly matted down from a mixture of rain and tears. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply.


End file.
